Journal Entry #7: Is that you standing there?

The morning of day twelve:

I unintentionally skipped several days as you can tell; often-time my writing is based on my current moods and emotions, and typically it comes from an uneasy one. And the fact that I felt the weight lighten for a little while is enough proof to reassure that. But still, as a whole, it was enough to barely keep me away from writings.

I went to The Get Up Kids, Kevin Devine, and Mansions show last night at The House of Blues in Orlando. It was a blast. The Get Up Kids came out of nowhere with a reunion tour and I’m ecstatic that I was able to see them. I’ve always complained about how I never had the chance to, seeing that they broke up just a little while before. Out of the three successful crowd surfs at that show, I was one of them, haha. The crowd was kind of weak though. I guess I just thought that it would be better; I mean, it’s a reunion tour, right? Anyway, if you were there and you saw one single blonde haired kid, with a black shirt and jeans, floating amidst a crowd of two hundred people shouting at the top of his lugs for The Get Up Kids, then yes, that was me and yes, it was fucking awesome.

These two girls who were much less than acquaintances were acting entirely ridiculous towards my two friends that I went with; Jon and Shaun that is. Somewhere along the way, they bumped into them in the crowd a couple of times and the two had attitudes ever since. As we were leaving one of them yells, “Go back to UCF and die where you belong,” in Jon’s direction. We all began to laugh out of the pure stupidity that drenched her statement. But still, even aside from all of that, to all of our surprise, a separate group who was towards the same area as we were took it personally by mistake and started yelling back at the girl with twice the obscenity and twice the resentment. I’m pretty sure that she felt bad for how ecstatically hard that we all started laughing at first, but especially at that (UCF = University of Central Florida. a.k.a. “Bro’s. “ See YouTube). First off, there is nothing “bro” about my friends and I (Not that there is anything wrong with it of course, as I’ve got many close friends who fall into this category) which was the first step up her climb of mountainous humor seeing that it’s no wonder why the group next to us found it aimed in their direction, seeing that they fit the description of “Bros” far, far more than we did.

“What kind of idiot yells a statement that broad and undefined into a crowd, while only focusing onto several of the people in it,” I thought to myself while I laughed again. I pictured a small white man running into a crowd in the heart of the ghettos in Los Angeles chasing after one, single Mexican man for banging his wife or something, screaming racial obscenities towards the guy that in all actuality involves the entire Mexican population…Wtf? Idiot, right? (Small white man yelling racial obscenities + L.A. gang area = Shanking, probably in numerous areas)

No one even had to say anything and her stupidity was standing boldly in front of you like an oncoming freight train. I feel bad when people do this to themselves, I really do, and I don’t want to be the reason that they feel humiliated or torn down in any way. But she made a mistake, and a stupid mistake: She judged both Jon and Shaun without knowing either of them at all. She was pissed off because they bumped into her in the crowd (Fuck, like you can help that anyways) so she decided already that she didn’t like them for some reason that I cannot put any logic to. She gathered assumptions and obviously ignorant and incredibly uneducated ones. Just about everyone that I have ever met loves those two friends of mine especially, and they have proven that almost everywhere that they go. The sad part is, if that girl had only taken the time to just turn around and listen to them instead of make those assumptions and gather all of those completely uneducated ideas, she would have heard them both trying to tell her sorry and apologize for having bumped into her. Then she could have been +2 friends, instead of -2 (Not including the 5-8 in the other group). People act like they are fucking allergic to this or something; like if they act kindly the fucking meteor of the apocalypse is going to come barreling straight down onto their face. My two friends are two of the best people that I know and as far as I am concerned, she just threw away her opportunity to have two life blessings come into her life: What a fool. I just hope, for her own sake, that this is the only flaw that she so obviously has and boldly announces. Typically though, when you lack one morality to a degree like this, you lack many others too. But, even more importantly, for all that I know, she was probably a good person, but a bad side unfortunately showed. Wrong impressions happen all of the time. Just like her wrong impression over my friends, although hers had next to no validity.

The Get Up Kids played Campfire Kansas. It was so awesome as I had wanted to hear that one especially. For some reason it’s just one of those songs that I have always wanted you to be right there with me for. For now I’ll just keep my fingers crossed as tightly as they’ll go, but that goes without saying; mine always seem to be crossed for something. The funny thing though, is that the entire time that I was there, I caught myself scanning the crowd from time to time; I was looking for you. I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first. I know better than to get my hopes up on anything that clearly will not happen, but hearts are hard to control. And even though I know that we are far away now, I kept the back of my mind fixated on the hopes and possibility that here in this crowd of hundreds of people; here in this crowd of all of these people that I do not know; here in this room filled with complete strangers with good and bad souls whose intent and distinction is clearly written on their faces, and especially in their eyes, because you really can tell how someone is feeling from their eyes. You may roll your own set of eyes when you read that, but it is true. Some people look lost, hurt, angry, unloved, happy, and so on. You name it, it can be shown. And there within that, it can also be disguised, which most are. But there’s more to it than that; more feeling and understanding than just one simple emotion and word, and just putting a basic label on it will never truly describe its depth. But a lot of people do not understand it because they forget to look with more than just their own eyes and deeper than just the surfaces, and that outcome always leaves with a shallow answer. If you look further, you can see whether a person is crying out or if they’re in a battle with that horrible feeling of combating your own emotions only to keep your composure; whether they’re drowning in their own body or can barely breathe, scrambling on the floor because it feels like their chest is prepping to implode; whether their dreams just came true such as a young woman finally marrying the man that she loves or whether your soul is at an unimaginable pain; whether they miss someone or even if they are begging in every direction for any answer to alleviate whatever horrible feeling that’s overrun them; and even something as simple as content.

And amongst all of these people who were all of these things and everything in between, I kept that hope: That amongst all of these people, and amongst me, you just may be too; just some way, and somehow.